Peace Corps Guatemala is... (You know you're a PCV in Guate when..)

At the beginning of my service whenever someone asked me, "What is Peace Corps?" I always wanted to respond with something like - It's bucket bathing! Or..It's experiencing Giardia or amoebas! So, I decided to start writing down funny experiences that are kind of "TIG" moments (This Is Guatemala). 

Compiled here are 50 ways you know you are a Peace Corps volunteer in Guatemala. Some of these apply to more volunteers than others. After a year of being here, this is what I’ve come up with. I’m sure there are plenty more little witty sayings that can be added to this list so feel free to add a comment with your “Peace Corps is…” statement!

Peace Corps Guatemala is…

1)      Utilizing the word “bathing” when one is referring to the combination of using soap and water (aka the term “showering” no longer applies)

#1 Bucket and smaller bucket for "bucket bathing"

2)      Hitchhiking becomes your commute to work

 

3)      Still saying “Buenas Tardes” to everyone you pass yet literally dying inside because you’re about to crap your pants. [Hm, I really shouldn’t have accepted that free chuchito (Guatemalan snack)]

4)     Crapping your pants at least one time during your service

5)      Wearing glasses for 2 years

6)      Being on a camioneta and having a “traveling salesman” yelling in your ear

7)      Being slightly convinced by one of these salesmen until he added “in addition to everything I just told you about this relieving gastritis, it will also cure diabetes, the common cold, the flu, parasite infections, cataracts, allergies, bad breath, indigestion, worms, skin infections..and it will make your hair SHINE!”

8)    Ordering a drink to go despite knowing full well it will come in a plastic bag accompanied with a straw 

# 8 PCV Laura and I drinking
cappuccinos from a bag

9)      Riding in the back of a pick-up sitting on top of cabbage freezing your ass off

10) Mistakenly thinking Saturday and Sunday evangelical services were just bad karaoke (jjaaaaajeeeejooooooDIIOSSSSyiiiiiii)

11)   Accidently saying sexual things to your host parents during training while trying to say something completely different. Ex – “Me gusta el pene” instead of “me gusta la pina” actually means “I like penis” rather than “I like pineapple”

12)   Having to ask your sitemate for Q4 at the end of the month to get to the bank

13)   Sleeping on your friends' floors all over the country (save $)

14)   Being accustomed to instant coffee and powdered milk

15)   Packaged ham and cold hot dogs

16)   Drinking boxed wine in mugs

17)   Eating more beans in 1 week than you have in your entire life

18)   You have a ‘clean clothes’ pile, a ‘dirty clothes’ pile, and an ‘I’ve worn this 5x but still not dirty’ pile

19)   When you’ve caught yourself thinking, “Wow, clean clothes feel so GOOD!”

20)   Finding yourself singing along to camioneta/micro music..Prince Royce? Or This I Promise You in Spanish?

21)   Getting nauseous sitting in that crappy, tiny backwards seat on the micro that makes your ass feel like it’s on fire

22)   Daily interactions with bolos (drunks)- Ex. Watching kids play soccer over them, turning a corner and almost tripping over one, seeing  kids tie their shoelaces together, not even bothering responding to “CANCHE!” (white person)..etc

23)   Your town has more cantinas (bars) then panaderias (bread shops)

24)   Carrying rocks or sticks with you to fight off the chuchos (stray dogs)

#26 Chelsea and Venoni written as "Chelise" and "Venni"

25)   Learning the phrase “Chucho fuera!” (dog- out!) in your first few days in country

26) Having people butcher your name daily (Chansey. Chachee. Chechi. Okay fine my name is Ana then)

27)   Making good use of headlamps because you have to

28)   “Guategoggles”

29)   You learned the word “Pulga” (flea) at a very early point in your service

30)   Flea bites and dog bites

31)   Waking up and thinking, “Where the heck did that dream come from!?!” Oh…the malaria pills

32)   Showering twice a day when visiting hotels because you CAN

33)   No matter how many times you go to the bathroom before you leave your house, you still will have to go when arriving to your village..Just because you know there is no bathroom out there to use

34) Having a "pee spot" in your village where the milpa (corn) provides just enough privacy for your 30-second pop squat

34.5) Being highly disappointed when you lost your "pee spot" due to the milpa being harvested

35) Receiving the questions, "Do you eat tortillas?", "Do you cook your food or just buy it and have someone else cook it for you?", "Do you clean your house in the states?", "Can I clean your house in the states?"

36) Receiving comments about your rain boots every time you wear them. Who knew rain boots for women with stripes or flowers could be so strange?

37)  Being deceived by delicious looking cake that actually is 99% water and 1% cake batter. (Who knew water-downed cake was even possible?)

Soo deceiving!! 

38)   Getting food poisoning from campo cheese

39) Getting so sick of the attempts at English ("I looob yewww babiii") that you respond with "Solo hablo Aleman!" (I only speak German) 

40)   You’ve gone weeks without eating meat nor realizing it

41)   Being expected to eat meat with your fingers. (What is a knife?...Oh you’re so fancy you use a knife)

42)   Going months without running water

43)   After greeting an indigenous women in the local Mayan language she has been elated and gone off speaking rapidly then stared at you for an answer (WOAH, hold on I know about 4 words!) 

44) Taking pride in your town's micros/camionetas and their drivers (umm, we have an awesome short bus)

45)   Your house is always the same temperature as outside.

46)   A manual flusher doesn’t exist. You either poop in a hole or if you’re lucky enough to have a porcelain toilet, you pour a bucket of water in to flush it 

The red bucket is used to take water
from the tin bucket to add to the toilet to flush
 (This is also my bathing area)

47) Your number 1 item on your "To Buy" list in the states is underwear. Thank you pila for absolutely demolishing them. Or, you've called home to momma to send you underwear

.

48)   Thinking hot water coming from a faucet is the best invention ever

49)   Staring at white people in your town just as much as the locals do (Who is that Gringo in MY site?!)

50)   Land of Eternal Spring??? Jokeees on you if you believed that one!